2 months baby.

2 months.

in exactly two months i will make the long and arduous journey from l.a. to a land so intensely foreign, the natives absolutely refuse to abbreviate the name.  I will leave my parents familiar civilization-reminiscent minivanmobile to face the thrilling, unexplored jungle that is san diego, except that upon arrival i will immediately board a bus which will take me the f*** to Mexico. Sometimes I feel like San Diego is Mexico in denial. Sometimes I get the two confused. All of my hispanic relatives are in one of the two. Um I have homework to do. I can't wait for Thanksgiving, sooo ready,  I am going to eat my own bird all to myself and all of the extra Pillsbury crescent rolls and then sleep forever in a bed that is cushiony and very real. 

Gravy.

I forgot about gravy.

I am so.

excited.

for.

GRAVY.

twister

shit. aaaah.

There is so much that I want to do.

And I don't have the money.

I don't really believe in money.

But I have to sometimes, for the sake of society, I suppose.

I want to do Semester at Sea, and I plan on doing that summer travel course to Italy-Greece-Turkey where we just study theatre and art and dance and may get to perform in THE theatre dionyus, buuuut I also want to do an internship in London one summer, and a summer session in Spain to get my language credit accounted for, but I cant fit allll of this in my four years.

And it would be WAY too expensive to go any longer.

I dont know.

I dont know.

AAAAAAAAH.

well.

hm.

aaaaaah.

its late.

my body wants to watch a movie and my mind sees the time and wants to sleep.

I feel like usually my body and mind are supposed to operate exactly otherwise, but I'm not going to ask them any of my silly questions right now...

Our bodies are not enough.

There are so many times where I am listening to a an endless chain of really good transcendental song after really good euphoric song after really good transcendental song and my soul does the shaken-soda-pop thing where it surges and wants to explode except that it cannot, because the cap is still on.

I don't think I'm going to be able to handle circumnavigating the globe.

I think I'm going to have that same feeling even moreso magnified in way too much intensity and on too frequent a basis and I am just going to storm inside with that same will to experience life until I utterly implode and fly up towards happy death.

Words words words.

I can never say what I need to say to justice.